Some Things that Never Happened (And Some That Did)

So I’ve written one hundred posts. I spent a lot of time these past few weeks thinking about how I could thank all of the wonderful people who have made it such a pleasure to write each of those posts.

Finally, I came up with a wonderful/terrible idea. This blog has been more about my non-fiction than my fiction, so I thought that I would write a piece of fiction exclusively for my readers.

But not just one piece of fiction.

Five pieces of fiction!

And not just any fiction.

Stories written in exactly one hundred words to commemorate my one hundredth post!

Here they are, a collection of  completely original one hundred word* stories to celebrate my one hundredth post! I hope that you enjoy them.

*Except for Number Three. For reasons that will become obvious.

Disclaimer: The labeled stories are works of fiction. I only wish that my life was as interesting as the remixes would imply. No cats, chairs, or octopuses were harmed in the creation of this blog. Yes, that is how I am going to write the plural of octopus. Feel free to tell me all about it.

 

Five Ways that Cat Amesbury Never Started a Blog (And One Way She Did)

 

1. You Can’t Handle the Truth

She’d made it to the hole in the wall with the broken chairs and the layer of dust as thick as her hand on the counter. The only secure connection in the city didn’t need to advertise.

The man at the counter nodded, handing her the device without a word. She’d planned and sacrificed and bled for this day. It was hard to believe that it had finally arrived.

It only took a few keystrokes to lay it all out in cold black and white.

There was no turning back.

“The truth is out there,” she whispered.

She hit ‘Post’.

 

2. It’s a Terrible Life

“Is there a reason I’ve got a chain-smoking angel sitting on my dresser?”

“Look lady, I don’t get paid the big bucks to tell you how you’re too old to play with toy trucks.”

“They’re collectibles!”

“Whatever. Your life is great and you’re great and you shouldn’t do whatever stupid thing it is you’re planning on doing.”

“… Buying a giant purple octopus to hang over my front door?”

“No, that’s a great idea- Hey, are you Nat Amesbury?”

“Nope.”

“Well, da- Er, you’ve been chosen to spread the word! Congratulations!”

“Wait! Why do I suddenly have a WordPress login?”

 

3. The Cat with Artistic Pretensions

She sat in the house
Doing nothing at all
Her eyes on the screen
Her eye on the ball

So sitting and staring
She soon failed to see
The strange-looking creature
That fell from the tree

Its claws were quite sharp
Its fur- how it shone
And it crept to the house
Creep, creep cross the lawn

So when she looked up
Her heart how it beat
It’s not every day
A cat that you meet!

This cat had a hat
And a pen and a book
And he shoved them towards her
And told her to look

No fun for this writer
She lost in the fight
All the words of her cat
She now had to write

 

4. Temperance and Tentacles

It is a truth not at all acknowledged that a woman in search of world domination must be in want of a giant purple Kraken. Upon meeting such a Kraken, her first act was to secure an unbreakable pact. In truth, there was something in her air and her manner of mad cackling that was appealing to those monstrous cephalopods. Kraken secured, she dispensed with such unpleasantries as suitors and meddling family. Her first desire accomplished, she proceeded to write her manifesto of intent.

As her words were scattered throughout the meeting places of the ton, she smiled.

“Entail this!”

 

5. Speed Infinity: We’ve Run Out of Tense Situations

The other people in the computer lab looked towards her, their eyes wide.

Amateurs.

She picked up the phone with the practiced ease of being the only person old enough to remember when you still had to pick up a phone to answer it.

The person on the other end got right to the point.

So did she.

“So if I type below fifty words a minute, the internet explodes?”

The silence on the other end of the line was all the answer she needed.

“Right.” She nodded and rolled up her sleeves. “Let’s blow the ribbon off this mothertyper.”

~

∞ The Boring Truth

“Look,” they said. “You’re the one who thought that you needed a blog to show people how you write. So write.”

“So much writing,” she said, glancing nervously at her next chapter. “So much writing.

They shrugged. “So find something you like and write about that.”

They paused for a second before adding, “Well, maybe not the weird things you like. Save those for the story.”

She wrote and she was sure it was a completely normal post. Still, she hesitated before she posted, looking towards her family.

“So how do you feel about giant purple octopuses in carny outfits?”

~Finis~

IMG_0573All good things must come to an end, but here’s to one hundred more beginnings!

 


 

Honestly, if you enjoyed this, you are probably related to me and really should go check out my fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor.  It’s over here.

Fuzzfest- Things I Like

I like the morning.

I like the moment between the darkness and the first faint breath of light.

I like realizing that I’ve woken up one more time.

I like the fresh face of another day.

I like writing.

I like the translation of the inside of my head to a story to share.

I like the moment where the words paint a picture no image ever could.

I like the community of words and people I gain through sharing my own words.

I like living.

I like who and what I am and the life I’ve chosen.

I like being happy.

I hope you do too.

IMG_0569I like food, but not as much as my very fuzzy kitty

This week is Fuzzfest! Pull up a chair and a warm blanket and bask in my version of light cheer! Tomorrow will be a Very Special Post in celebration of my 100th blog post, so stay tuned!


For other things I like my fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor, is available here.

Fuzzfest- A Good Day

Some days are harder than others.

Some days are made for terrible metaphors about pain and suffering and their relationship to the tragedy of life as we know it.

Some days are made for the kind of poetry that we write and Never Show Anyone Else. Ever.

Some days inspire novels and films and abstract art where everyone dies in vaguely cubic shapes.

Some days are days that we carry inside ourselves for years, burrowing in directions we never anticipated.

Some days are what we use in Very Important Interviews when we talk about Suffering for Our Art.

Some days we learn to take ourselves a little bit less seriously (maybe after seeing those Very Important Interviews).

Some days are just good days.

Some days we live and are happy.

I like those days.

IMG_0072Fuzzy as a kitty having a Good Day

This week is Fuzzfest! Pull up a chair and a warm blanket and bask in my version of light cheer!


For days that are more good than otherwise, my fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor, is available here.

 

 

 

Fuzzfest- Dreamed a Little Dream

On good nights, the inside of my head is like a warm blanket.

A warm blanket made of writhing carnivorous eggplants, mind you, but comfortingly familiar all the same.

While I tend to the lucid dreaming end of the spectrum, even my sharpest, most uncomfortable visions have a peaceful acceptance that makes all the edges lovely and fuzzy.

I may be being chased by a large paintbrush who wants to use me for wallpaper, but I will not be at all surprised to discover that I have suddenly found a lake full of turpentine to foil my pursuer.

Maybe I should stop using myself as an example.

I love the inability to disbelieve in dreams.

I love the complete acceptance of the impossible mechanics of the worlds I inhabit, that moment my heart catches in my throat with a wonder that is almost impossible to duplicate in the real world.

I have no desire to become a Lotus Eater and waste away in visions.

But the knowledge of the unending boundaries that are tragic, funny, delightful inside my head, grants me a joy that sits warmly at the center of my identity.

Sometimes the familiar can be grinding.

There is a joy in not knowing where the next step will take you.

In finding the fuzzy borders of the world inside your head and stepping breathlessly into the unknown.

IMG_0070Almost as fuzzy as two cats and some warm blankets

This week is Fuzzfest! Pull up a chair and a warm blanket and bask in my version of light cheer!


For more dreams, fluffy or otherwise, my fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor, is available here.

The Eternal Question

Why are you trying to take my picture

When I am trying so hard

To love you?

IMG_0165This is why I’m not a wildlife photographer

We had the brain-benders last week, this week is fluff. Literally.


If you want more cats, fluffy or otherwise, my fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor, is available here.

Adaptability

IMG_5371

Someone dropped a blanket

On the floor?

Don’t mind if I do

 

This week will be a series of profound thoughts based on strange pictures I’ve taken. “Profound” and “thoughts” may have up to a 90% margin of error relative to dictionary definitions.

 


For more stories of triumph and utility, I have also written a fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor. It is available here.