In Contrast

When I was small, I dreamed of terrible things.

The worlds I entered were often distorted, every object a new source of fear and confusion. Cannibalistic dolls, machines made of bones, people who were patchwork collections of mismatched limbs and organs.

But-

Because everything was awful, my mind dulled and I swept through those universes untouched.

My fear was made less by the unrelenting horror around me.

I read stories sometimes that remind me of those worlds, merciless and unrelenting. And I am left repulsed but detached from the depth of the madness.

In the world outside my head, horror announces itself less obviously, quietly rising beside the moments of joy.

When everything is slick with death and destruction, what loss is there from still more pain?

It is only when we have something to lose that we can truly begin to fear.

My mind showed me shadows and I removed myself, untouched.

It was only when I stood in the light that I learned to fear the darkness.

IMG_1519It is light that provides the shadows their power

Sometimes I still dream terrible things. I am less brave now, I think.


Some of this horror has made its way into my writing. If you would like to see it, my fantasy novel,The Guests of Honor, is available here.

Everyday Magic- Taking the Leap

When I nearly broke my neck, I started to dream of flying.

Being pushed from a height gave me some mangled body parts, a very specific form of acrophobia, and a wealth of dreams about falling.

It took me time to put together the jumbled images in my head, but the power and beauty of their message pulled me into a place I had never imagined.

For a long time, I thought my head was punishing me with images of falling, of reliving my nightmare in a thousand ways and places.

Then one day, I refused to fall.

I pointed myself upwards as I left the dream-cliff.

And I flew.

I cannot tell you how I felt the moment I realized what I could do, where I could go when I was able to confront my head and transform those nightmares into fantastic adventures.

All I can speak of is fear… and courage.

I have spoken of the magic of fear, but there is also a magic in courage.

Because, in the end, they cannot be separated from one another.

Courage is not the absence of fear.

Courage is translating that fear, into lightning, into a magic all its own.

Courage is the moment you stare down the cliff face-

And leap, laughing, into the unknown.

IMG_0399The edge is only the beginning

This week is dedicated to everyday magic. I will be sharing some of the real-life inspiration for the strange things that appear in the pages of my stories.


If you would like more adventures in falling, I have also written a fantasy novel, The Guests of Honor. It is available here.

 

A Joyous Day

We are not born afraid.

Life teaches us fear, often of the new and unfamiliar.

Writing is transmutation.

When I write, that fear shifts in front of me to the joy of discovery, of the magic that exists just out of the corner of my eye.

I cannot remove that fear from the world or even from myself.

But through my fingers, I can rise above the gravity of uncertainty that holds our feet so firmly to the ground.

I can reach upwards and fly towards the warmth, the world above me.

You can come with me.

All readers can come with me.

We can live, for a moment or an hour or a day in a place of joy.

I want to create, one day after the other, a day without fear.

A joyous day.

IMG_5063A joyous day